“Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Few understand Hermann Hesse. Hardly anybody understands Einstein. And nobody understands Emperor Norton.”
— Principia Discordia
Modern life is complex. We each have wide varieties of roles in our lives. Mother, Father, Worker, Citizen, Student, Consumer, Artist…
Yet we each have one limiting factor – time. We only get 24 hours a day. 1440 Minutes. 86400 Seconds.
And we spend our time doing… well, a variety of things.
Some things are mundane. Sleeping can take up a third of our day.
Some are more esoteric.
Some are required to earn our daily bread.
Some are serious, completely rational. Taxes need to be paid and checkbooks balanced.
Some are slightly silly.
Some are rather crazy. Running with the bulls in Spain surely isn’t entirely sane.
Some are completely nuts.
“So Brain, what do you want to do tonight?” – Pinky
One man had the crazy idea to take over the world.
“Hmmm, Dad conquered Greece. What should I do…? I know, I conquer everything else!
And in only a dozen years, that’s pretty much what he did, conquering most of the known world.
History now calls him Alexander the Great. We can only guess what those he conquered called him.
Not that all crazy ideas work out.
And some succeed only through blind luck.
Take Christopher Columbus.
Contrary to common belief, Columbus didn’t come up with the idea that the Earth was round. Washington Irving created that myth in 1828. In fact, it was common knowledge (at least amongst the educated) that the world was round when he set sail in 1492.
No, Columbus’s epiphany involved the calculation of the size of the world. His contemporaries believed that the then known world (Europe, Asia & Africa) spanned, East to West, half way around the world and the rest was ocean. This made the ocean much too wide to cross, any ship would run out of supplies and fresh water. Certain death for their crews.
Columbus calculated that the Earth was significantly smaller than otherwise believed. He concluded that a ship could reach Asia from Spain faster by sailing West than by following the usual trade routes.
And he was wrong. The world is almost twice the size he thought it was. If he hadn’t bumped into the Americas, he and his entire crew would have been lost in the unforgiving blue.
Not that he knew he was mistaken. He went to his grave believing it was Asia he had sailed to.
How crazy is that?
Joshua A. Norton was a successful if not noteworthy businessman when he emigrated to San Fransisco in 1849. Over the next decade he lost his fortune and, some say, his mind. But his life became highly unique when, on September 17, 1859, he declared himself “ Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.”
During his colourful twenty year reign local newspapers published his decrees, he ate at fine restaurants (that proudly proclaimed Imperial commission) and money he issued was accepted in local shops. It was said that no play or concert would dare open without reserving a balcony seat for the Emperor.
“He had shed no blood; robbed no one; and despoiled no country; which is more than can be said of his fellows in that line.” – Police Chief Patrick Crowley.
His most dramatic “battle” occurred when mob of anti-Chinese rioters were hellbent on taking their frustrations out on Chinese immigrants. Norton positioned himself between the rioters and the Chinese, bowed his head and repeated the Lord’s Prayer until the rioters dispersed without incident.
Although he did call out the army to deal with the congressmen, after they ignored his decree abolishing congress. Needless to say, the army didn’t abide by this decree.
When he died 30,000 people lined the streets to pay homage and his funeral cortege was two miles long.
Some things we do, even if they are crazy. Some things we do because they are crazy.
In that spirit, I, the Philoso4King, declare myself Emperor of Neo Freedonia and Protector of the Internet.
And in doing so, I vow to defend democracy, fairness and tolerance within this land of Neo Freedonia and to defend its laws and practices as exist with the support of the populace.
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